Let’s be clear…

There were several comments yesterday that made me feel I must clarify some points:

Some were worried that I might make people question their actions. In response: Yes. One intention in yesterday’s post was to suggest people question what they are now being told is a norm through the mass media capitalizing on the promotion of S&M (the subject raised in the film 50 Shades of Grey): hurting others intimately and/or letting others hurt you intimately. Even though some readers believed really hurting/injuring someone grows trust, respect and communication… studies have shown that in fact they have the exact opposite effect on a relationship.

Forget all the misleading mass media hype that it’s “playful”. Try to think of it in other terms. If you love your child, would you want to experiment with hurting them to build trust? Would it give you pleasure to hurt them? Would it give them pleasure? No, of course not! We have to be careful in confusing the trend of accepting/loving everyone for whom they are (which is a good thing), with accepting/allowing people to do what ever they want to us in the name of “love” (that is a bad thing).

Some inferred in comments to yesterday’s post: as long as it is consensual…it is ok to hurt others. Is it? There are many people in this world who think they are not worthy of being loved… Some people would prefer a destructive relationship to no relationship at all… The thought of being alone is unbearable for many — so they are willing to put up with all kinds of abuse… There are many reasons why someone would consent to being hurt — but none of them are healthy. No one should be abused, whether they “ask for it” or not. Just like, no one should be raped, even though many perps say their victim “asked for it”. People need to learn to love and respect themselves enough to tell their abusers, “No!”

Psychology is a relatively new science. There is so much psychiatrists/psychologists/therapists don’t know about what makes us “tick”. However, older sciences have proven that pain is the body’s alarm system. The sole purpose of pain is to alert the mind/person that there is something wrong; something needs to be addressed/attended to/resolved immediately. That is a fact. Pain = Something is Wrong.

Anger, not love, motivates people to inflict suffering on others (history is ripe with examples of this fact). Self-hate/lack of self-respect is what allows people to let others abuse them. Get rid of the anger and/or self-loathing. Experiment with love. For your own health and well-being… for all of us: love is the answer.

No (World) Peace Until You Learn to Love Yourself.

Peace is: a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, especially in personal relations. (Dictionary.com). If we truly want “world peace”: We must first (and foremost) learn to have harmony in our own lives (learn how to love, understand and accept ourselves, our most intimate relations, as well as our extended families, our neighbors, our communities, our school communities, even the people where we work…). Peace (harmony/love) must start with ourselves. When the majority of people master this, then (& only then) can the concept of “World Peace” become a reality.

A slogan that needs to become a reality long before the concept of “World Peace” is: “Harmonic Homes!”, or, “Home Peace!” We should rally for: Peace in our families! Peace in our schools! Peace in our neighborhoods! Peace on our roads! Peace in the workplace! But most importantly, we should be rallying for: “Inner Peace!”

Yet, what would be the purpose of gathering for an “Inner Peace” rally (demonstration, march, or, silent protest) — except to have another networking opportunity? It would be better if people simply dedicated (scheduled in non-social/non-networking) alone time for cultivating their own peace (understanding, acceptance, harmony). Anyone who is truly tired of war, road rage, charity board power plays… should consider making this a top priority.

Remember: Love is Energy. Love, our feelings, our thoughts, our anger, our prejudices…. are all energy/vibrations (just like music – some harmonious – some not). They all effect (consciously & unconsciously) everyone nearby – as well as everyone far away (the world per se). This is a simple fact of quantum physics. A person’s behavior and speech can be politically correct… However, if their heart and thoughts are not full of understanding, acceptance, love & harmony – their gestures and words will not have a peaceful effect on others (they will in fact have the exact opposite).

How many of us are living in truly peaceful, harmonious, loving homes? Relationships, neighborhoods, communities, schools, workplaces…? For any of this to happen, we must be at peace with ourselves first. As long as the majority of people are not at peace with themselves (not loving/harmonic individuals), not only is the concept of world peace somewhat of a cruel joke – so is desirable love.

It’s attainable. All of it. World Peace. Inner peace. & everything in between. It all starts with a seed & that seed is each and every one of us. For each of us that can attain inner peace/harmony (understanding, acceptance, love for ourselves), there is another intimate relationship that has the hope of doing the same; another family; another community… Each person’s thoughts and feeling effect so many others. Simply be the positive change you want to see in your world… and in time, the rest will follow.

Unconditional Love: WARNING!

You attract what you are. – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Is this true? Yes and no.

You hear from so many: “Become what you want to attract…”. Even some of the posts on this blog have inferred the same… However, before I write any further about desirable love (how to attain it)…I would like to attach a WARNING LABEL to the process.

You hear a lot about 1st “learn to love yourself”…. and as you “learn to forgive”, “love unconditionally”, and “be more accepting” of yourself – you will simultaneously learn how to be more empathetic/forgiving/loving to others… blah, blah, blah.

So now suppose we have done our “work”… we have become a more loving individual… we should attract a more empathetic/understanding/loving partner into our lives… Correct? Well, yes and NO! You will attract both; good & bad. In fact, the better you become, the better & the worse you will attract. Why? & How can one avoid this?

Every human being is attracted to beauty/harmony/love – it is essential to our health and well-being (physically/mentally and spiritually). We are therefore instinctively drawn to it. The more a person is lacking these qualities inside themselves – the more they need them from a source outside of themselves. In fact, the less desirable (unhealthy/inharmonic/unloving) a person is on the inside, the greater their attraction to posses these qualities through a person whom they perceive as having an abundance of loving qualities (empathy, compassion, supportiveness, unconditional love & acceptance…).

To use a vivid example: Psychopaths. They are proven to seek partners who rank in the very highest (90+ percentiles) for the human emotion: empathy. Psychopaths actually hunt to find the most loving of us (knowing that these people are best suited to let them get away with their lack of human kindness, compassion… love… for the longest period of time); a loving person balances out their complete inability to feel empathy, or, their complete inability to form human attachments. A loving partner helps them appear normal to society (giving them a cloak to hide under while they commit crimes against humanity – especially your humanity). The only way they can form a partnership is to pair with a person that practices forgiveness, compassion, unconditional love & acceptance. As you can see, the practice of unconditional love & acceptance can be very dangerous in real world scenarios.

How does one avoid getting involved with negative people? Practice unconditional love on yourself… not blindly on every person you meet! Even Jesus said: Forgive another “seventy times seven”. 70 x 7 = 490. Four hundred and ninety is a finite number. If a person is in an abusive relationship, that person could easily forgive their abuser 490 times in just one week (often less). Again, unconditional love should be practiced on yourself – to allow you to constantly move forward/make progress (physically/mentally and/or spiritually). However, forgiveness should be finite for those seeking to consume/destroy your health and well-being for their own selfish needs.

To be very clear: as you improve yourself be very careful of those you let into your inner circle. We all need to be improving ourselves. Be wary of those who are adults and are not. If someone seeks your help, don’t “do” for them — guide them. The best way to help someone else is to provide a good example (which obviously comes back to us focusing on our own frailties – working on making ourselves healthier).

If you do mistakenly get into a draining one-sided relationship, if a person is leaving you feeling physically, mentally and/or spiritually drained and/or confused – distance yourself ASAP (to regain your harmony/your inner strength). If later you decide to continue some form of a relationship with this person, maintain enough distance (physically and/or mentally) that they are no longer able to (literally) suck the life out of you. Try to remember to only have close intimate relationships with people that are already (or working hard to be) full of love.

Opposites do attract. Loving people have been programmed by culture to want to help those they believe need their love and support. Disharmonious people are instinctively attracted to those from whom they can easily take what they do in fact need – however, have not had the guidance to learn how to, or, simply do not want to put in the effort to build for themselves.

Be(a)ware; you can and should love other adults – just make sure it is not negatively affecting you physically, mentally and/or spiritually. Loving your children can be draining, Remember, you can only give what you have. If you sacrifice too much of yourself, in time you will not be able to give them the love they deserve. Always cultivate and protect your inner beauty/your loving spirit. Don’t depend on others to do this for you. Make maintaining AND protecting (respecting) your physical, mental and spiritual health/harmony your number one priority. Then you will have the chance of being available when the right person does come into your life.

Take care & be well!

Relativity in Love.

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” ― Albert Einstein

Einstein always had a way of describing the most complex ideas concerning life (and love)… in ways even a child could understand.

In essence: Do you want to spend your time with someone who fills your heart with so much joy, that you don’t even notice the passage of time? Or, do you want to be with someone who makes every moment seem like an endless nightmare? Your (love)life is relative to the choices you make. You are free to chose.

Love is Energy.

Everything is energy. & Everything in life (& love) is vibration. – Albert Einstein

Sound (everything we hear), light (everything we see – as well as everything we do not see), everything we can touch (as well as everything that that we cannot touch), all the neurological and chemical reactions of smell and taste… EVERYTHING around us is vibrating. According to Einstein (proven by quantum physics): all “living” things – as well as all we perceive to be inanimate “lifeless” objects – are made up of the same vibrating universal energy. The only difference is that they are simply vibrating at different frequencies. Thus, everything is one in the same, and the vibrations of one of us affects the vibrations/harmony of all of us.

Thoughts are energy. Emotions are energy. People’s thoughts and emotions affect those close by (as well as those far away). Have you ever noticed that you can actually feel someone else’s emotions or thoughts (without them saying or doing anything in particular)? Some people make you feel uneasy while others make you feel at ease? Be aware that other people can feel your emotions and thoughts as well – regardless of what you say or do to cover them up. Our physical and mental health have their own vibrations (stagnancy/negativity in a certain part of our body, or mind, will lead to dis-ease/disharmony/ill-health in ourselves and others in our lives).

If you want to attract someone who is truly desirable (physically, mentally and spiritually healthy/harmonious/loving), work to vibrate on a loving/harmonic frequency yourself. Be as healthy/harmonic as you can. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be harmonious!

Beware of the Barrenness of a Busy Life.

Beware of the barrenness of a busy life.  – Socrates

We are physical beings, living in a physical (material) world. The need to pursue networks to become more successful materially (financially) – is a vital part of our survival. However, we are also beings with complex psychological and spiritual (harmonic & loving) needs as well.

Make sure to make time for deeper connections with those around you. Being busy and jumping from one chaotic work and/or social event to the next doesn’t leave time for truly understanding your needs, and/or the needs of those around you. If you can’t find time everyday, try to find time once a week (at the bare minimum) for quiet time  to focus on keeping harmony in yourself and your relationships.

Desirable love is complex, but well worth the effort. When you have harmonic loving relationships in your life, you will be stronger mentally, spiritually, physically & thus materially. Yes, materially. At the end of a chaotic busy productive day/period/life… don’t find yourself standing alone (with none who truly loves and cares for you). A life barren of love and harmony is simply put – an unsuccessful life.

Love is a Tide!

I could say if one does this, or, one does that… life, love, your physical health, your mental health and your spiritual well-being will always be what you desire them to be – healthy, happy and positive – but they won’t. I adore inspirational quotes and stories just as much as anyone, but we must remember they are only half of our life (and love) stories. Finding the love and way of being we want, actually lies not so much in learning how to recognize and appreciate the high moments – it is in fact learning how to gracefully handle life’s lowest moments.

The t(d)aoist symbol:

YinYang

which many recognize today as “yin & yang” symbolizes an ancient philosophy “the way”. It teaches that everything (every moment) in a healthy life ebbs and flows – like a tide. First the tide comes in then it goes out. Opposites. First there is day then there is night – then there is day…. Rotation. First there is joy then there is sadness then there is joy then there is sadness…. Constant (movement). In summary: All of life is a constant rotation of opposites (positives and negatives). By excepting this, one does not feel the pressure of feeling guilty when their life is not “perfect”. No one is perfect. Remembering this simple fact makes loving yourself and others so much easier!

The same eastern lifestyle philosophy believes that the lows in life are actually necessary learning tools. Lows help us develop knowledge and wisdom to later attain ever greater highs – such as in love. Remember: the lows are necessary. Although it can be hard at first, view them as learning opportunities. This mental attitude is the first step in turning a low point into your next high.

I am sure at least one person reading this post (that is now going through and/or has gone through an extended or extreme low point in their lives – physically, mentally, in love and/or spiritually) is probably thinking, “Yeah, yeah, what do you know of my suffering?” To that thought I will simply say, “I assure you, I can empathize”.

The small white dot in the sea of darkness (as seen in the ying & yang symbol above) is the first sign that the tide is changing. Learn to be able to see those positive opportunities (those rays of hope) when things are not going well. Don’t get stuck or dwell in ill health, mental anguish, a destructive relationship pattern or loss of faith in the world. As long as you continue to move forward you will find your good health, your love and your happiness again. Don’t get stuck in negative patterns!

Accept the fact that everyday is not going to be blissful. Forgive yourself when you feel that you haven’t lived up to your, your partner’s, or society’s ideal. Be thankful for what you learn when times are tough. With a mental attitude like that you will find you are healthier physically, happier and find it easier to love yourself (and others) more. Learn life and loves lessons, but try not to lose your harmony or grace, this will make even your darkest moments seem light.