Unconditional Love: WARNING!

You attract what you are. – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Is this true? Yes and no.

You hear from so many: “Become what you want to attract…”. Even some of the posts on this blog have inferred the same… However, before I write any further about desirable love (how to attain it)…I would like to attach a WARNING LABEL to the process.

You hear a lot about 1st “learn to love yourself”…. and as you “learn to forgive”, “love unconditionally”, and “be more accepting” of yourself – you will simultaneously learn how to be more empathetic/forgiving/loving to others… blah, blah, blah.

So now suppose we have done our “work”… we have become a more loving individual… we should attract a more empathetic/understanding/loving partner into our lives… Correct? Well, yes and NO! You will attract both; good & bad. In fact, the better you become, the better & the worse you will attract. Why? & How can one avoid this?

Every human being is attracted to beauty/harmony/love – it is essential to our health and well-being (physically/mentally and spiritually). We are therefore instinctively drawn to it. The more a person is lacking these qualities inside themselves – the more they need them from a source outside of themselves. In fact, the less desirable (unhealthy/inharmonic/unloving) a person is on the inside, the greater their attraction to posses these qualities through a person whom they perceive as having an abundance of loving qualities (empathy, compassion, supportiveness, unconditional love & acceptance…).

To use a vivid example: Psychopaths. They are proven to seek partners who rank in the very highest (90+ percentiles) for the human emotion: empathy. Psychopaths actually hunt to find the most loving of us (knowing that these people are best suited to let them get away with their lack of human kindness, compassion… love… for the longest period of time); a loving person balances out their complete inability to feel empathy, or, their complete inability to form human attachments. A loving partner helps them appear normal to society (giving them a cloak to hide under while they commit crimes against humanity – especially your humanity). The only way they can form a partnership is to pair with a person that practices forgiveness, compassion, unconditional love & acceptance. As you can see, the practice of unconditional love & acceptance can be very dangerous in real world scenarios.

How does one avoid getting involved with negative people? Practice unconditional love on yourself… not blindly on every person you meet! Even Jesus said: Forgive another “seventy times seven”. 70 x 7 = 490. Four hundred and ninety is a finite number. If a person is in an abusive relationship, that person could easily forgive their abuser 490 times in just one week (often less). Again, unconditional love should be practiced on yourself – to allow you to constantly move forward/make progress (physically/mentally and/or spiritually). However, forgiveness should be finite for those seeking to consume/destroy your health and well-being for their own selfish needs.

To be very clear: as you improve yourself be very careful of those you let into your inner circle. We all need to be improving ourselves. Be wary of those who are adults and are not. If someone seeks your help, don’t “do” for them — guide them. The best way to help someone else is to provide a good example (which obviously comes back to us focusing on our own frailties – working on making ourselves healthier).

If you do mistakenly get into a draining one-sided relationship, if a person is leaving you feeling physically, mentally and/or spiritually drained and/or confused – distance yourself ASAP (to regain your harmony/your inner strength). If later you decide to continue some form of a relationship with this person, maintain enough distance (physically and/or mentally) that they are no longer able to (literally) suck the life out of you. Try to remember to only have close intimate relationships with people that are already (or working hard to be) full of love.

Opposites do attract. Loving people have been programmed by culture to want to help those they believe need their love and support. Disharmonious people are instinctively attracted to those from whom they can easily take what they do in fact need – however, have not had the guidance to learn how to, or, simply do not want to put in the effort to build for themselves.

Be(a)ware; you can and should love other adults – just make sure it is not negatively affecting you physically, mentally and/or spiritually. Loving your children can be draining, Remember, you can only give what you have. If you sacrifice too much of yourself, in time you will not be able to give them the love they deserve. Always cultivate and protect your inner beauty/your loving spirit. Don’t depend on others to do this for you. Make maintaining AND protecting (respecting) your physical, mental and spiritual health/harmony your number one priority. Then you will have the chance of being available when the right person does come into your life.

Take care & be well!

Mother Love.

George Washington (b.1732- d.1799) is quoted as saying, “My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.”

Due to family tragedy, this great man was only able to finish the equivalent of an elementary school education. What I find interesting about the quote is that fact that, George Washington attributes all his great successes in life to the fact his mother taught him physical, mental and spiritual well-being (in the 1740’s no less)…. and that his memory of her is one of great beauty…

Yet, Mothers are humans like all of us… some are healthy… some, not so much…

Albert Ellis, Ph. D. in Psychology (b.1913 – d.2007) is quoted as saying, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You (no longer)… blame them on your mother…. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

(Albert) Ellis characterized his mother as a self-absorbed woman…. according to Ellis, “she… never listened.”…. Ellis’ mother was emotionally distant…. Ellis recounted that she was often sleeping when he left for school and usually not home when he returned…. Ellis was sickly as a child…. he had eight hospitalizations between the ages of five and seven, one of which lasted nearly a year. His parents provided little emotional support… rarely visiting or consoling him. (Physical) Illness was to follow Ellis throughout his life…. (Mentally) Ellis had exaggerated fears of speaking in public and during his adolescence he was extremely shy around women (difficulty exposing his heart). (Wikipedia) Lack of his Mother’s love could be deemed as having negatively affected Ellis (physically, mentally and spiritually).

Today psychologists state that most mother’s asked, claim sincerely that they love their children. However, their findings have shown that many of the children of these same mother’s, do not in fact believe they are loved by their mothers (and some believe they are not worthy of love at all).

Psychologists go on to list the many factors as to the whys… a lot having to do with children thinking they have to achieve something before they would be worthy of (mother’s) love… The psychologists give an equally long list on how to “fix” the problem… saying, if not corrected these children often become overachievers in the unconscious desire to attain love….

All I want to say here is: a mother, her children & her relationship(s) with her children don’t have to be perfect – just harmonious. The role of the modern mom is still in a state of flux (a bit chaotic). Moms, like all of us, need to focus on learning to accept themselves first; focus on their own physical, mental and spiritual well-being. If the mother is full of love and harmony, her children will naturally reflect this.

May our hearts swell with love and gratitude (or at least understanding) for all our mothers!

Relativity in Love.

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” ― Albert Einstein

Einstein always had a way of describing the most complex ideas concerning life (and love)… in ways even a child could understand.

In essence: Do you want to spend your time with someone who fills your heart with so much joy, that you don’t even notice the passage of time? Or, do you want to be with someone who makes every moment seem like an endless nightmare? Your (love)life is relative to the choices you make. You are free to chose.

Love smells like…

I was asked: What does love smell like?

It is such an indescribable scent, I had to answer:
“Otherworldly! Harmonic! Blissful! Love smells Divine!”

Love is Energy.

Everything is energy. & Everything in life (& love) is vibration. – Albert Einstein

Sound (everything we hear), light (everything we see – as well as everything we do not see), everything we can touch (as well as everything that that we cannot touch), all the neurological and chemical reactions of smell and taste… EVERYTHING around us is vibrating. According to Einstein (proven by quantum physics): all “living” things – as well as all we perceive to be inanimate “lifeless” objects – are made up of the same vibrating universal energy. The only difference is that they are simply vibrating at different frequencies. Thus, everything is one in the same, and the vibrations of one of us affects the vibrations/harmony of all of us.

Thoughts are energy. Emotions are energy. People’s thoughts and emotions affect those close by (as well as those far away). Have you ever noticed that you can actually feel someone else’s emotions or thoughts (without them saying or doing anything in particular)? Some people make you feel uneasy while others make you feel at ease? Be aware that other people can feel your emotions and thoughts as well – regardless of what you say or do to cover them up. Our physical and mental health have their own vibrations (stagnancy/negativity in a certain part of our body, or mind, will lead to dis-ease/disharmony/ill-health in ourselves and others in our lives).

If you want to attract someone who is truly desirable (physically, mentally and spiritually healthy/harmonious/loving), work to vibrate on a loving/harmonic frequency yourself. Be as healthy/harmonic as you can. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be harmonious!

Sex God(dess)

It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex; people do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, and dreams… that’s being naked.

~ Excerpt from Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections between Sexuality and Spirituality, written by Rob Bell

If you can’t get naked, you’ll never know love.

~Desirable Love

I Love Someone Who is Married

I was asked: What should you do if you love a person very much who has married?

The  person is “married”. They have taken a vow — either in front or God or a legal authority. If you truly love them, let them live their lives without this knowledge.

With love comes sacrifice. I am sorry to say, this needs to be yours.

~may you find love again