Love is a Tide!

I could say if one does this, or, one does that… life, love, your physical health, your mental health and your spiritual well-being will always be what you desire them to be – healthy, happy and positive – but they won’t. I adore inspirational quotes and stories just as much as anyone, but we must remember they are only half of our life (and love) stories. Finding the love and way of being we want, actually lies not so much in learning how to recognize and appreciate the high moments – it is in fact learning how to gracefully handle life’s lowest moments.

The t(d)aoist symbol:

YinYang

which many recognize today as “yin & yang” symbolizes an ancient philosophy “the way”. It teaches that everything (every moment) in a healthy life ebbs and flows – like a tide. First the tide comes in then it goes out. Opposites. First there is day then there is night – then there is day…. Rotation. First there is joy then there is sadness then there is joy then there is sadness…. Constant (movement). In summary: All of life is a constant rotation of opposites (positives and negatives). By excepting this, one does not feel the pressure of feeling guilty when their life is not “perfect”. No one is perfect. Remembering this simple fact makes loving yourself and others so much easier!

The same eastern lifestyle philosophy believes that the lows in life are actually necessary learning tools. Lows help us develop knowledge and wisdom to later attain ever greater highs – such as in love. Remember: the lows are necessary. Although it can be hard at first, view them as learning opportunities. This mental attitude is the first step in turning a low point into your next high.

I am sure at least one person reading this post (that is now going through and/or has gone through an extended or extreme low point in their lives – physically, mentally, in love and/or spiritually) is probably thinking, “Yeah, yeah, what do you know of my suffering?” To that thought I will simply say, “I assure you, I can empathize”.

The small white dot in the sea of darkness (as seen in the ying & yang symbol above) is the first sign that the tide is changing. Learn to be able to see those positive opportunities (those rays of hope) when things are not going well. Don’t get stuck or dwell in ill health, mental anguish, a destructive relationship pattern or loss of faith in the world. As long as you continue to move forward you will find your good health, your love and your happiness again. Don’t get stuck in negative patterns!

Accept the fact that everyday is not going to be blissful. Forgive yourself when you feel that you haven’t lived up to your, your partner’s, or society’s ideal. Be thankful for what you learn when times are tough. With a mental attitude like that you will find you are healthier physically, happier and find it easier to love yourself (and others) more. Learn life and loves lessons, but try not to lose your harmony or grace, this will make even your darkest moments seem light.

Be Desirable!

There is nothing more attractive than someone with a passion for something, who looks at things positively & is always seeking to better themselves. Work on dedicating yourself to being such a person & see how desirable you become!

Love is about valuing.

If you love a beautiful flower, don’t pick it up, own or control it. Because if you pick it up, control it, it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a beautiful flower, let it be, let it blossom. Love is not about possession and control. Love is about… valuing. – based upon Osho (edited by Desirable Love)

Are women attracted to men physically, or, just their perks?

I was asked: Are women actually physically attracted to any men, or, is it really just about ‘everything else’?

I live in a town where men and women are obsessed with jogging. In the warmer seasons, both men and women run with literally nothing on but their sun block and running shoes.

Several years ago, I was driving in town when I was suddenly distracted by a very attractive (almost naked) man running in front of my car. I momentarily lost all higher-level brain function, my eyes became completely fixated on him, and, I nearly drove off the road as a result. It was a truly primal reaction of sexual attraction.

After regaining my composure, the control of my vehicle, and, as the blood slowly returned to my head, I suddenly remembered why men have such a hard time when an attractive woman wears physically revealing attire. It is literally impossible not to look; literally impossible not to be attracted.

Because of that embarrassing confession: I can state that without a doubt: Yes, (hetero-) females are physically attracted to men, without “everything else”. That being said, I am also attracted to men (with clothing) that have a great mind, have a big heart, make me laugh… anyone who is happy and harmonious I find just as mesmerizing. In addition, I can honestly say that I have never been attracted to a man for the car he drove, the watch he wore, the private clubs he belonged to… This is not due to any greatness on my part, but the simple fact that I have been fortunate enough in my life not to have needed a man to provide me with nice things, or, security.

So please, don’t criticize those who instinctively do look for men with material strength. Remember, we are sexual animals first — conditioned to be a part of civilized society second. When we first see a person (of the gender we are attracted to), our first reaction is primal. Men innately are attracted to the woman who appears most ready to mate (bear their children) & women are attracted to the strongest male (who will be able to provide food, shelter and protection for her young).

In our modern world, physical attractiveness/health in a male is no longer enough to secure the well-being of children. Quite often, the male who is best able to provide these primal needs does not appear (if you were to strip him of his fine clothes) physically strong. Thus, our culture has changed what many women are attracted to in a man. One should not judge too harshly the women who are attracted to wealthy men for the material perks they can provide; anymore than you should judge the men who can’t help but look at a woman that is dressed provocatively. Instead, blame the industrial revolution.

Do not despair though, since WWII more and more women are able to provide for themselves (and their children). They have recently done studies on wealthy powerful women. It appears that they tend to be attracted to men who are the most physically fit. Period. No “everything else” required for these ladies. So, there you go. As culture changes, a woman’s innate primal need to ensure the well being of her offspring also changes. As a result, what she is attracted to in a man changes. Wealthy powerful women are still a small minority… but who knows? In time, it might be the majority of men that are primarily attracted to women with material perks. We’ll have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, I think there are enough evolved people who can look past purely physical or material attraction. Not to say they won’t get an occasional whiplash from either!

Thanks for the question.

Do Looks Matter in Love?

I was asked to answer the question: Do looks matter in love?
My reply was: Yes & No. It depends on the following:

There is inner beauty & outer beauty. Beauty is Harmony. Therefore, there is inner harmony & outer harmony. All living beings are attracted to and actually need beauty/harmonic energy in their lives. Therefore, it behooves you to have at least one.

Since humans are primarily visual beings, outer beauty tends to be important to catch the eye of a mate — especially in youth. As outer beauty fades, and wisdom grows — inner beauty/harmonic energy grows. This fact is most evident in older longterm love relationships. However, this can also be a factor in youth (& age) — if both partners pocess inner harmony.

Therein lies the catch. If a partner does not have inner beauty, they will not be able to connect to, or, even see their partner’s. Their desire to fill their inner void will become overwhelming and will have to be fed by something external/superficial. Hence the many relationships ruined by wandering eyes.

It is hard to answer your question more specifically, since I do not know the circumstances that have led you to ask this question. All I can say in summary is: When a person has inner beauty, they glow. If their loved one is too insecure to see that, it is truly their loss. If you don’t feel you have achieved that level of being yet… I will add: I have never met anyone who could not be made beautiful on the outside. It’s easy, remember, it’s only superficial!

About the Author of desirablelove.com:

AboutMe

New York University
MA · Aesthetics (study of the mind and emotions in relation to the sense of beauty/harmony)  Colloquium Title: “The Meta- and Physical Epistemology of Aesthetics: how the human body, mind & spirit are effected by beauty/harmony & love”

New York University
BA · Double Major: Psychology/Art History · Double Minor: Writing/Photography

I have lived and worked throughout the USA and Europe. Additionally, I traveled for roughly 3 years while living on a 72-foot sailboat. Lastly, I have had the opportunity to travel extensively throughout Western & Eastern Europe, Russia and Africa as well.

I attended christian primary and secondary schools. After what I had seen and experienced in the world, I had some problems with the concept of blind faith… While still in an Episcopal Prep School, I started searching for Universal Truths to answer questions (I felt Christianity was not). As a consequence, over the past 34 years I have researched, studied & practiced most major traditional (Western & Eastern) lifestyle philosophies & world religions. In the end, I found that the essence of all were actually one in the same. We truly are all One – all connected – all affecting ourselves as well as all those around us.

My life and education have afforded me a very unique (global) view of the world. Something I think is worth sharing:

I hope my blog helps you find health, happiness, harmony & through that a love & a wealth like you’ve never known!

Love, respect & understanding buys true wealth.

Joy

Money can buy
a bed, but not sleep;
sex, but not love;
a house, but not a home;
a book, but not knowledge;
position, but not respect;
a watch, but not time;
finery, but not beauty;
medicine, but not health;
food, but not fulfillment;
entertainment, but not joy;
acquaintances, but not friends;
a ring, but not a marriage….
Money can buy you a lot of material things.
However, love, respect & understanding buys true wealth.