Unconditional Love: WARNING!

You attract what you are. – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Is this true? Yes and no.

You hear from so many: “Become what you want to attract…”. Even some of the posts on this blog have inferred the same… However, before I write any further about desirable love (how to attain it)…I would like to attach a WARNING LABEL to the process.

You hear a lot about 1st “learn to love yourself”…. and as you “learn to forgive”, “love unconditionally”, and “be more accepting” of yourself – you will simultaneously learn how to be more empathetic/forgiving/loving to others… blah, blah, blah.

So now suppose we have done our “work”… we have become a more loving individual… we should attract a more empathetic/understanding/loving partner into our lives… Correct? Well, yes and NO! You will attract both; good & bad. In fact, the better you become, the better & the worse you will attract. Why? & How can one avoid this?

Every human being is attracted to beauty/harmony/love – it is essential to our health and well-being (physically/mentally and spiritually). We are therefore instinctively drawn to it. The more a person is lacking these qualities inside themselves – the more they need them from a source outside of themselves. In fact, the less desirable (unhealthy/inharmonic/unloving) a person is on the inside, the greater their attraction to posses these qualities through a person whom they perceive as having an abundance of loving qualities (empathy, compassion, supportiveness, unconditional love & acceptance…).

To use a vivid example: Psychopaths. They are proven to seek partners who rank in the very highest (90+ percentiles) for the human emotion: empathy. Psychopaths actually hunt to find the most loving of us (knowing that these people are best suited to let them get away with their lack of human kindness, compassion… love… for the longest period of time); a loving person balances out their complete inability to feel empathy, or, their complete inability to form human attachments. A loving partner helps them appear normal to society (giving them a cloak to hide under while they commit crimes against humanity – especially your humanity). The only way they can form a partnership is to pair with a person that practices forgiveness, compassion, unconditional love & acceptance. As you can see, the practice of unconditional love & acceptance can be very dangerous in real world scenarios.

How does one avoid getting involved with negative people? Practice unconditional love on yourself… not blindly on every person you meet! Even Jesus said: Forgive another “seventy times seven”. 70 x 7 = 490. Four hundred and ninety is a finite number. If a person is in an abusive relationship, that person could easily forgive their abuser 490 times in just one week (often less). Again, unconditional love should be practiced on yourself – to allow you to constantly move forward/make progress (physically/mentally and/or spiritually). However, forgiveness should be finite for those seeking to consume/destroy your health and well-being for their own selfish needs.

To be very clear: as you improve yourself be very careful of those you let into your inner circle. We all need to be improving ourselves. Be wary of those who are adults and are not. If someone seeks your help, don’t “do” for them — guide them. The best way to help someone else is to provide a good example (which obviously comes back to us focusing on our own frailties – working on making ourselves healthier).

If you do mistakenly get into a draining one-sided relationship, if a person is leaving you feeling physically, mentally and/or spiritually drained and/or confused – distance yourself ASAP (to regain your harmony/your inner strength). If later you decide to continue some form of a relationship with this person, maintain enough distance (physically and/or mentally) that they are no longer able to (literally) suck the life out of you. Try to remember to only have close intimate relationships with people that are already (or working hard to be) full of love.

Opposites do attract. Loving people have been programmed by culture to want to help those they believe need their love and support. Disharmonious people are instinctively attracted to those from whom they can easily take what they do in fact need – however, have not had the guidance to learn how to, or, simply do not want to put in the effort to build for themselves.

Be(a)ware; you can and should love other adults – just make sure it is not negatively affecting you physically, mentally and/or spiritually. Loving your children can be draining, Remember, you can only give what you have. If you sacrifice too much of yourself, in time you will not be able to give them the love they deserve. Always cultivate and protect your inner beauty/your loving spirit. Don’t depend on others to do this for you. Make maintaining AND protecting (respecting) your physical, mental and spiritual health/harmony your number one priority. Then you will have the chance of being available when the right person does come into your life.

Take care & be well!

Relativity in Love.

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” ― Albert Einstein

Einstein always had a way of describing the most complex ideas concerning life (and love)… in ways even a child could understand.

In essence: Do you want to spend your time with someone who fills your heart with so much joy, that you don’t even notice the passage of time? Or, do you want to be with someone who makes every moment seem like an endless nightmare? Your (love)life is relative to the choices you make. You are free to chose.

Love smells like…

I was asked: What does love smell like?

It is such an indescribable scent, I had to answer:
“Otherworldly! Harmonic! Blissful! Love smells Divine!”

Be Desirable!

There is nothing more attractive than someone with a passion for something, who looks at things positively & is always seeking to better themselves. Work on dedicating yourself to being such a person & see how desirable you become!

What makes a man fall in love with one woman over another?

Thank you for your questions.

To answer your first question: What makes a man fall in love with one woman over another? 

What a question! There are so many variables: culture, age, formative childhood experiences, life experiences, genetics, and mental health… just to name a few. One could write volumes on this subject. Here I will try to write the mere essence of the totality. I want to state that my answer applies to all men and women — of all sexual orientations.

My answer is: NEED derived from a person’s mental state.

All humans need love, touch, human understanding. There have been studies in which infants died from lack of human touch — love and kindness. As humans we form our love models in early childhood — based upon our relationships with parents and caregivers. Then life experiences either reinforce or destroy those early concepts. Hence, everyone’s love model is completely individual to themselves — like our fingerprints.

If you had positive love models as a child, which were further reinforced as an adolescent and young adult — your love model will most likely continue to gravitate to people who will also become positive partners in your life. Unfortunately, with more and more broken homes, with popular cultural influences getting stronger and stronger – this is becoming less and less common.

For those who do not have positive love models? They will find that they primarily gravitate towards people whom do not turn out to be positive influences in their lives — but often even become destructive influences. This love model will be repeated time and time again until the person makes a conscious decision to put in the time and effort to change their love model — to whom they are attracted. They must reach a point in their lives that they decide to expect and accept nothing less than love in their closest relationships.

As for your second question: Why does a woman who is a great catch: she can be gorgeous, funny, intelligent, willing to learn, good listener, understanding, level headed in dealing with conflict, witty, sexy, sweet, and nonjudgmental. All of these good qualities…why can’t it inspire feelings of love in an otherwise intelligent man??

It would seem that his attraction towards women might be more inline with an earlier century’s norm, or, overly influenced by 21st century pop culture influences. If the situation makes him and his less intelligent partner truly happy — there isn’t an issue. If the situation is causing problems in his life, he might want to consider tweaking his love model.

Delve a bit deeper.

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out… (however,) when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. – E. Kubler-Ross

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart. – H. Keller

If you want someone thoroughly beautiful, you are simply going to have to delve a bit deeper.

Do Looks Matter in Love?

I was asked to answer the question: Do looks matter in love?
My reply was: Yes & No. It depends on the following:

There is inner beauty & outer beauty. Beauty is Harmony. Therefore, there is inner harmony & outer harmony. All living beings are attracted to and actually need beauty/harmonic energy in their lives. Therefore, it behooves you to have at least one.

Since humans are primarily visual beings, outer beauty tends to be important to catch the eye of a mate — especially in youth. As outer beauty fades, and wisdom grows — inner beauty/harmonic energy grows. This fact is most evident in older longterm love relationships. However, this can also be a factor in youth (& age) — if both partners pocess inner harmony.

Therein lies the catch. If a partner does not have inner beauty, they will not be able to connect to, or, even see their partner’s. Their desire to fill their inner void will become overwhelming and will have to be fed by something external/superficial. Hence the many relationships ruined by wandering eyes.

It is hard to answer your question more specifically, since I do not know the circumstances that have led you to ask this question. All I can say in summary is: When a person has inner beauty, they glow. If their loved one is too insecure to see that, it is truly their loss. If you don’t feel you have achieved that level of being yet… I will add: I have never met anyone who could not be made beautiful on the outside. It’s easy, remember, it’s only superficial!