Betrothed, yet Attracted to Another

I love my boyfriend, we are getting married soon. Sadly, I am also attracted to another guy, a colleague of mine. How do I take away the attraction? — Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, If the attraction to someone (who is not your betrothed) is strong enough to make you wistful, you need to consider (at the minimum) postponing your wedding date. This unnerving attraction probably does not mean your colleague is “the one” for you. However, it is an alarm screaming your fiancé might not be “the one” either.

Remember, you can love someone but not be “in love” with them. When you are ‘in love’, it is as when you are inside anything (you are surrounded by it; enveloped). It is all encompassing. That’s why people often refer to lovers as “being in their own world”… “only having eyes for each other”… If you do not feel this way, just days/weeks before your wedding, you need to take pause and figure out why.

There is nothing wrong with loving someone – yet, not being in-love with them. However, it is wrong to take a vow to be faithful to someone, when you doubt your desire/ability to do so. It is better that you realize it might be time to take a step back, before the wedding.

Don’t you find it interesting that you referred to your soon-to-be husband as “my boy-friend” (not as “my fiancé”)? Take a pause. Take time to think about what your true feelings are for this man – before you make possibly the biggest mistake of both your lives.

There will probably be many people who will be upset by you putting things on hold. Explain to them that you need to do what is best for both you and your betrothed – for the long term – not just the day of the wedding. You should know, at this point in your journey, there are no easy routes. So try to determine what’s best for you both, and get going.

You might figure out you simply had a slight case of pre-wedding jitters. Then wedding bells will be a-ringing! If not, you will be saving a lot of people from a lot of heartache – in the long run.

I wish you clarity in your decision. Good luck!

Love is Energy.

Everything is energy. & Everything in life (& love) is vibration. – Albert Einstein

Sound (everything we hear), light (everything we see – as well as everything we do not see), everything we can touch (as well as everything that that we cannot touch), all the neurological and chemical reactions of smell and taste… EVERYTHING around us is vibrating. According to Einstein (proven by quantum physics): all “living” things – as well as all we perceive to be inanimate “lifeless” objects – are made up of the same vibrating universal energy. The only difference is that they are simply vibrating at different frequencies. Thus, everything is one in the same, and the vibrations of one of us affects the vibrations/harmony of all of us.

Thoughts are energy. Emotions are energy. People’s thoughts and emotions affect those close by (as well as those far away). Have you ever noticed that you can actually feel someone else’s emotions or thoughts (without them saying or doing anything in particular)? Some people make you feel uneasy while others make you feel at ease? Be aware that other people can feel your emotions and thoughts as well – regardless of what you say or do to cover them up. Our physical and mental health have their own vibrations (stagnancy/negativity in a certain part of our body, or mind, will lead to dis-ease/disharmony/ill-health in ourselves and others in our lives).

If you want to attract someone who is truly desirable (physically, mentally and spiritually healthy/harmonious/loving), work to vibrate on a loving/harmonic frequency yourself. Be as healthy/harmonic as you can. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be harmonious!

Are women attracted to men physically, or, just their perks?

I was asked: Are women actually physically attracted to any men, or, is it really just about ‘everything else’?

I live in a town where men and women are obsessed with jogging. In the warmer seasons, both men and women run with literally nothing on but their sun block and running shoes.

Several years ago, I was driving in town when I was suddenly distracted by a very attractive (almost naked) man running in front of my car. I momentarily lost all higher-level brain function, my eyes became completely fixated on him, and, I nearly drove off the road as a result. It was a truly primal reaction of sexual attraction.

After regaining my composure, the control of my vehicle, and, as the blood slowly returned to my head, I suddenly remembered why men have such a hard time when an attractive woman wears physically revealing attire. It is literally impossible not to look; literally impossible not to be attracted.

Because of that embarrassing confession: I can state that without a doubt: Yes, (hetero-) females are physically attracted to men, without “everything else”. That being said, I am also attracted to men (with clothing) that have a great mind, have a big heart, make me laugh… anyone who is happy and harmonious I find just as mesmerizing. In addition, I can honestly say that I have never been attracted to a man for the car he drove, the watch he wore, the private clubs he belonged to… This is not due to any greatness on my part, but the simple fact that I have been fortunate enough in my life not to have needed a man to provide me with nice things, or, security.

So please, don’t criticize those who instinctively do look for men with material strength. Remember, we are sexual animals first — conditioned to be a part of civilized society second. When we first see a person (of the gender we are attracted to), our first reaction is primal. Men innately are attracted to the woman who appears most ready to mate (bear their children) & women are attracted to the strongest male (who will be able to provide food, shelter and protection for her young).

In our modern world, physical attractiveness/health in a male is no longer enough to secure the well-being of children. Quite often, the male who is best able to provide these primal needs does not appear (if you were to strip him of his fine clothes) physically strong. Thus, our culture has changed what many women are attracted to in a man. One should not judge too harshly the women who are attracted to wealthy men for the material perks they can provide; anymore than you should judge the men who can’t help but look at a woman that is dressed provocatively. Instead, blame the industrial revolution.

Do not despair though, since WWII more and more women are able to provide for themselves (and their children). They have recently done studies on wealthy powerful women. It appears that they tend to be attracted to men who are the most physically fit. Period. No “everything else” required for these ladies. So, there you go. As culture changes, a woman’s innate primal need to ensure the well being of her offspring also changes. As a result, what she is attracted to in a man changes. Wealthy powerful women are still a small minority… but who knows? In time, it might be the majority of men that are primarily attracted to women with material perks. We’ll have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, I think there are enough evolved people who can look past purely physical or material attraction. Not to say they won’t get an occasional whiplash from either!

Thanks for the question.