I love my boyfriend, we are getting married soon. Sadly, I am also attracted to another guy, a colleague of mine. How do I take away the attraction? — Anonymous
Dear Anonymous, If the attraction to someone (who is not your betrothed) is strong enough to make you wistful, you need to consider (at the minimum) postponing your wedding date. This unnerving attraction probably does not mean your colleague is “the one” for you. However, it is an alarm screaming your fiancé might not be “the one” either.
Remember, you can love someone but not be “in love” with them. When you are ‘in love’, it is as when you are inside anything (you are surrounded by it; enveloped). It is all encompassing. That’s why people often refer to lovers as “being in their own world”… “only having eyes for each other”… If you do not feel this way, just days/weeks before your wedding, you need to take pause and figure out why.
There is nothing wrong with loving someone – yet, not being in-love with them. However, it is wrong to take a vow to be faithful to someone, when you doubt your desire/ability to do so. It is better that you realize it might be time to take a step back, before the wedding.
Don’t you find it interesting that you referred to your soon-to-be husband as “my boy-friend” (not as “my fiancé”)? Take a pause. Take time to think about what your true feelings are for this man – before you make possibly the biggest mistake of both your lives.
There will probably be many people who will be upset by you putting things on hold. Explain to them that you need to do what is best for both you and your betrothed – for the long term – not just the day of the wedding. You should know, at this point in your journey, there are no easy routes. So try to determine what’s best for you both, and get going.
You might figure out you simply had a slight case of pre-wedding jitters. Then wedding bells will be a-ringing! If not, you will be saving a lot of people from a lot of heartache – in the long run.
I wish you clarity in your decision. Good luck!